A Business Proposal to Die For

Thousands of men and women are cursed with wrinkled faces, stiff knees, short-term memory loss, hypertension, and the incapacitation to contribute to society. They are the senile, the old, the aged-the trash bins of capital. According to the National Statistics Office, the elderly contribute to forty-nine percent of annual deaths. Instead of more promising ventures, money would be put in a dying body of an unproductive person.

To solve this, I propose simply that the aged who wish to be useful again would offer themselves as the populace’s most desired delicacy. Whether eaten as plain meat, broiled, fried, sautéed, deep-fried, grilled or processed into snacks of different flavorings, they are generally edible. At the rate that the world kills its own sustenance, we would soon leave nothing but ourselves. It is best to discard the least important-the senile. The lethal injection would be painless, potentially pleasant-a release from the mortal coil.

Here, the aged voluntarily give themselves in patriotism and martyrdom, putting the meat on the family’s table as they once did. They add income for their loved ones, who will lavish love due to their selflessness. There is great profit due to capital being transferred to more prudent investments. Furthermore, since this commodity would be dear but self-sufficient, food establishments would gain much revenue.

There are a lot of proposals made throughout history. All are botched up. Forget industrialization, outreach, foreign investors, education and all that junk. I assure you that this proposal, that of ingesting the aged, is genuine, direct and much more definite. I only have my homeland’s interests at heart. Know that the old can still bring home the bacon.

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